Midterms suck. I am cold and achy and still have about three hours of painting to do, and someone is playing the soundtrack to a musical. musicals should be against the geneva convention.
Miranda: goats: christlike or satanist? we don't know
Miranda: goats were either holy or unholy, you had to guess which
Max: Father, son, and the holy goat.
Opinions on Lie To Me
fuck you, Torez. this pizza is pretty delicious
Things I Am Right Now
drunk confused possibly sad
Yesterday I was really tired when I got home so I put the pasta water on to boil and then sat down for a while after it boiled I just sat there being mad at it for boiling so obnoxiously at me then I yelled at it to shut up then I felt bad and got up to go apologize and put the tortellini in I’m really glad my parents got back last night I was getting more than a little weird
Today was a good day
Sarah and I went shopping and talked about errything and it was great I really do miss her when she goes but it’s great because we just pick up where we left off And tonight Max is coming over and I’m having popcorn chicken and peppers and later real popcorn and we’re going to watch finding nemo And all of this is nothing particularly out of the ordinary, but I’m...
Miranda Thinks About the Future
Isn’t it crazy that we live in the time period we do? I think that’s why I find history so fascinating. Nobody has my particular issues, but they’re all the same issues, really, just with slightly different spices. That’s why we can refer to things as “that age-old story”. Everyone has human problems, which is what I find so fascinating about history and...
I would just like to express
That it is not my goddamn FAULT that you have failed to give me a correct address so I can return those pictures to you. Yeah, I stopped trying because you were forcing me to waste postage I could have spent on better things. No, I don’t think it’s appropriate that you keep sending me the same address and then calling me a bitch for not sending them back out AGAIN when I am sure they...
Roses are red, violets are blue
thefourteenthdoctor: Aww, boyfriend, I always wanted someone to get a restraining order against.
ugly t shirt: Art Reference: Online Expressions... →
coelasquid: kilomonster: sailorswayze: princeofthesands: There is a multitude of expressions and 21 views of each. You can slide around each picture as well as zoom in and out. It’s great for reference, especially since it’s in black and white it’s good for seeing only…
If Twilight had been written by famous authors
Herman Melville: "Call me Bella." A tome about the length of the original series investigates Bella's monomanical search for the vampire who stole her virginity. There's an entire chapter devoted to describing the devastating whiteness of Edward's skin, and several on the physiognomy of vampires, starting with their skeletal structure outward.
Jane Austen: Basically the same as the original, except that Bella is socially apt and incredibly witty. Her distrust of Edward is initially bourne out of a tragic misunderstanding of his character, but after a fling with Jacob during which he sexually assaults her (amusing to no one in this version) she and Edward live happily ever after.
Virginia Woolf: The novel takes place over the course of twenty four hours, during which Bella is painting a portrait of Edward and reflecting on how her femininity circumscribes her role within 20th century society.
Lewis Carroll: Bella takes acid and charts syllogisms.
James Joyce: Edward's rapacious love for Bella reflects the way globalism has pillaged Ireland. It's entirely written in Esperanto, with sections in untranslated Greek, except for Chapter 40, which is inexplicably rendered as a script page from the musical The Book of Mormon.
Cormac McCarthy: In the opening scene, Edward dashes Bella's head against a rock and rapes her corpse. Then he and Jacob take off on an unexplained rampage through the West.
Annie Proulx: Edward and Jacob defy society's expectations up in the mountains.
Raymond Carver: Bella stars as the alcoholic barmaid with daddy issues that Edward, a classic abuser, exploits. When Bella's old friend Jacob comes to visit and is shocked by her bruises, she thinks about leaving him, but instead hits the gin bottle. Hard.
Dorothy Parker: Bella writes a brilliant takedown of the latest school play, dates a string of men, and repeatedly attempts suicide.
Kate Chopin: Stifled by her marriage to Edward, Bella has an affair with Jacob and then drowns herself.
Ernest Hemingway: Edward and Bella exchange terse dialogue alluding to Edward's anatomical problem. Eventually, Bella leaves him for Jacob, a local bullfighter with a giant…sense of entitlement.
Flannery O'Connor: When Native American werewolf Jacob threatens her with death, Bella reconsiders her hardcore racism, and just for one milisecond, the audience finds her sympathetic.
Ayn Rand: Edward tells Bella that he intends to stop saving her life, unless she starts paying him in gold bullion. Hatefucking ensues, then Jacob spouts objectivist philosophy for the next 100 pages.
Tim O'Brien: It's all about the memories these vampires have carried with them for the past couple hundred years. Just think how much that would have deepened their characters. "Bella looked into Edward's smoldering eyes and knew all the pain he carried with him, the cross burned into the cleft of his muscular chest, 1 oz., the dash of his hair across his forehead, dangling ever-so, 5.oz, etc… etc… "
Haruki Murakami: Bella has sex with Edward, who is half a ghost. Jacob is a talking cat. Most of the prose is given over to descriptions of Bella making pasta.